What messages are you sending?

boy riding a bikeThe dominant thought principle is often discussed with reference to building self-confidence. Put simply, if you are thinking negatively eg Why am I so unlucky in life?, you are more likely to see the misfortunes in your life. Whereas if your dominant thought is Good things often happen to me, you will find it easier to see the positive parts of your day. Similarly, if you focus on your good health it will feel better than focusing on the possibility of getting sick.

The concept also applies to the messages you send out to others. If you constantly tell your partner that they don’t love you, over time they may start to agree with you. If you are often warning your children not to lie to you, they are more likely to be thinking up better and better lies. If you are forever asking your adult child why they never come to see you, then you are unknowingly encouraging them to stay away.

Here are some examples of statements that are commonly made. It’s obvious which messages are more likely to result in something positive.

I know you don’t want to come with me.

I’d love for you to come with me.


Don’t lie to me.

Please tell me the truth.


Don’t ride your bike so fast. You’ll fall off.

Ride carefully.


You are always late.

Please be home by 7pm tonight.


Don’t be shy.

Look people in the eye and say Hi.

The trick is to try to catch yourself before you send out a negative message and turn it into something positive – for everyone’s benefit.

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