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Category Archives: Relationships
Who cares for the carers?
As a clinical psychologist, I’m often seeing individuals who are caring for a loved one. Their partner or parent or child might have a chronic illness, which may or may not be terminal. Most people know by now that it … Continue reading
What have you been up to?
It may come as a surprise to many people to learn that one of the worst questions you can ask another person is: What have you been up to? It’s a really common thing to ask; a bit like: How … Continue reading
The intimacy equation
To have a truly intimate relationship with another person, you need two essential elements – vulnerability and empathy. In fact, a useful equation would be: Vulnerability + empathy = connection Too many people are suffering with the loneliness that comes … Continue reading
How does empathy sound?
Just because we care deeply about another person’s pain doesn’t mean that we are necessarily good at showing them empathy. The most common conversation I have with couples is about how to show empathy. Even the loveliest people can struggle … Continue reading
The danger of avoidance
Avoidance is an excellent strategy if we’re referring to staying out of dangerous situations. But avoidance should often be avoided! Avoiding anxiety-provoking situations increases anxiety. Avoiding difficult conversations with your partner, friend, child or colleague can allow situations to become … Continue reading
Sitting with someone’s pain
When someone we love is suffering, we want to take away their pain. When they hurt, we hurt and it can feel cruel to sit there and do nothing. But what if our attempts to stop their pain actually makes … Continue reading
Get the nod
Maybe you think you are saying all the right things to your partner to tell them that you understand how they’re feeling. But perhaps you’re not. One way to get a true sense of whether or not you are showing … Continue reading
What pushes your partner’s buttons?
Having trouble showing your partner empathy? Here’s a powerful exercise for the two of you to practice. Without discussing it with each other, write down a list of everything that causes your partner pain. What upsets him or her? What … Continue reading
Lying
Lying for some people is a deal breaker in a relationship. If you lie, I can’t trust you – full stop. For others, there are degrees of lying. Saying that you left the office at 6pm when you really left … Continue reading
Joint decision-making about money
Think you and your partner are making joint decisions when it comes to the household budget? What does your partner think? Let’s look at a case study: Michael is the main breadwinner and Sally works part-time and is the primary … Continue reading