I can’t help but comment on the latest spate of mums being vilified by other mothers – Jackie O for bottle feeding her baby while crossing the road and for going back to work too soon; Katie Holmes for allowing Suri to use a dummy at age 4. There have been a chorus of voices coming out to defend these mothers, all saying the same thing: Leave mums alone. It’s hard enough being a mother, without copping all the criticism.

For me, the most interesting part of these debates is not whether or not a mother should feed her baby while crossing the street, not if or when a mother should return to the paid workforce, and not when a child should stop using a dummy or use one at all. The fascinating part is why mums are so hard on each other. The dads aren’t wading in with their judgments or opinions. It’s the mums. Why? Because we mums are all so fearful of getting motherhood wrong.

From the moment we become pregnant, the fear sets in. What if something goes wrong – in the pregnancy, during labour, and then throughout their childhood. Our fear of harming our children is so great that many mums feel overwhelmed with the need to remain in control. We look for ways to guarantee that our child will turn out to be healthy and happy. If we hear a theory about parenthood, we worry that not applying that theory to our own lives may be a mistake down the track. We try to trust our gut, but there is often that little voice in our heads that says: What if I have damaged my child by mothering my way?

To combat that fear, we look for others’ mistakes. If we see a child misbehaving, we give ourselves a pat on the back that our child is being an angel – when we should be giving empathy towards that other mum and child. If we hear of another mother’s struggle to get their baby to sleep through the night, we congratulate ourselves if our own children were sleeping through at 12 weeks of age – when we should be showing compassion for that poor sleep deprived mother.

In other words, we are failing to unite in our common desire to do the best job we can. Instead, we are seeing motherhood as some kind of competition where there must only be a few places on the winning podium. Perhaps if we recognise the underlying fear, we can tap into our compassion, show empathy, and stop the judgments and criticisms.

At least 20-25% of us will experience a mental health issue at some point in our lives. Having a mental health issue is incredibly tough. Ignorance in the community just increases the stigma. Here is my attempt to bust some of the common myths surrounding mental health.

1.  It’s quite common for people to talk of “feeling schizophrenic” when they are in two minds, but it is a myth that schizophrenia means having a split personality. People affected by schizophrenia have one personality like everyone else. About one in every 100 people will develop schizophrenia, which is a medical condition that causes disordered thinking, hallucinations, delusions and low motivation. People suffering from schizophrenia often need medication and a lot of family and community understanding and support.

2. People with a mental illness do not have a greater tendency to be violent. In fact, those who struggle with an illness such as schizophrenia are more likely to be victims of violence, especially self-harm. There is an increase in the risk of violence when the patient is untreated or affected by drugs or alcohol.

3. People with depression can’t “just snap out of it.” Those sufferers of depression wish that they could click their fingers and feel better. They don’t want to be a burden to those around them and mostly try as hard as they can to put on a brave face around their colleagues and loved ones. A major depressive episode is most often treated with a combination of cognitive behaviour therapy, exercise, mindfulness and sometimes medication.

4. People who threaten suicide are not just attention seekers who have no intention of following through with it. We now know that those who threaten to take their own lives are at a greater risk of following through with their threats. Most of the time, they are not seeking attention, but trying to express how desperately low they feel. People who suicide do not end their lives for selfish reasons. They believe that everyone will be better off without them. They believe that there is no other option. We need to emphatically listen to anyone who is mentioning suicide and get them the help they urgently need.

5. Addiction is not a sign of weakness. Having an addiction can severely interfere with life. Breaking the addiction takes a lot of strength, treatment and support from family and friends. The very last thing addicts need is people thinking that they are weak and are simply lacking in will power or self-discipline.

How often have these thoughts run through your mind? It’s not fair. I don’t deserve this. They owe me. Why shouldn’t I have that? Everyone else seems to get what they want – why not me?

Most of us will remember thinking like this from time to time, but if you are forever feeling resentful and bitter, and you find yourself blaming others for your unhappiness and you often feel like a victim, then you may well have a sense of entitlement. Don’t worry, you’re not alone and it can be reversed.

A sense of entitlement is the belief that you deserve something without necessarily putting in the effort to get it. A narcissist has an extreme version of the affliction. Some adolescents act as if they have a divine right to the best of everything because their parents feel guilty and inadequate if they can’t give their kids what their friends have.

People with a sense of entitlement are rarely happy. They are forever feeling let down or hard done by. They are dependent on others for their own happiness.

If you identify with the notion of having a sense of entitlement:

1. Be grateful for what you have – rather than focusing on what others have
2. Practice altruism – helping others increases our own level of happiness
3. Make the most of any opportunity that comes your way – life is what we make of it
4. Set goals and slowly work towards them – enjoy the sense of accomplishment that follows
5. Teach your children that life isn’t always fair

Many women pride themselves on being able to do more than one thing at the same time. They can find it terribly frustrating if they have a male partner who does not share the same skill. Mums often say that they have no choice but to multi-task. Otherwise, they would never get everything done.

But the truth is that multi-tasking is not good for us. It causes stress. It stops us from fully attending to one task. It’s the opposite of being mindful – that wonderfully relaxing ability to focus solely on the here and now. It reduces productivity and efficiency. And most worrying of all, it can affect our relationships. How irritating and hurtful is it when your partner says they’re listening to you, but they have one eye on the TV or newspaper? Children are the first to complain when we attempt to hear about their day while checking our emails. Friends can tell when we appear distracted while listening to them on the phone because we’re answering an SMS or an email. In fact, technological advancements have created a fertile environment for multi-tasking to grow out of control. We’re all busy trying to work or study or have time with loved ones whilst monitoring Twitter, Facebook, emails or SMSs.

So, to reduce stress, increase efficiency and productivity, and to maintain healthy relationships, try:

• Switching off your phone when you’re trying to focus on work or study
• Having set times to check your emails, SMSs or Facebook page
• Changing the settings on your phone so that it doesn’t buzz or beep when you have received an SMS or email
• Turning off the TV during meals or conversations with family members
• Always focusing solely on the person speaking to you
• Limiting access to your phone and the Internet on nights, weekends, and especially on holidays
• Telling colleagues about your decision to limit your accessibility
• Finishing one task before starting another

How often have you chastised yourself, your partner or your children for failing to make a decision? It can be so frustrating to be with someone who has trouble making decisions and it can be debilitating for the indecisive people themselves.

Why do some people have such difficulty with decision-making? Perhaps they were never encouraged and taught as youngsters how to choose. Maybe they have a fear of failure – they can’t cope with the idea of making the wrong decision. Or they could be in a relationship where another person is controlling their every move and making all the decisions. Whatever the reason, people who don’t make decisions lack confidence. They might appear to be relaxed and unflappable – until the time comes when they have to make some decisions for themselves.

To improve your decision-making ability, consider these points:

1. The more decisions you make, the more confident you will become.
2. Successful people make many decisions every day. Some of these decisions will turn out to be wrong, but many will be right.
3. Making a mistake is better than doing nothing. At least we can learn from our mistakes.
4. What sort of a role model are you being to your children if they never see you making decisions?
5. Encourage your children to make decisions every day.
6. When making a decision, watch out for unhelpful thoughts such as: What will people think of me? What if it’s disastrous? What if I come to regret this decision?
7. Practice making small decisions first eg what to order in a restaurant, what to wear, what to do on a Sunday.
8. Have opinions and encourage your children to have opinions. There is a strong link between people who have trouble making decisions and people who find it difficult to voice their opinion.
9. Realise that by not being decisive, you make it difficult for those around you.
10. If you are in a relationship where you are not allowed to make decisions or have an opinion, start thinking about whether or not this relationship is good for you.

Narcissism is a term that’s used a lot these days and many people are wondering whether the number of narcissists is on the rise. It may just be that there is a greater understanding of the concept or it might be that modern society is helping to create an epidemic.

So what is narcissism? In a nutshell, narcissists have no self-worth, so they have to create an image that is so impressive, others won’t realise their secret. To create this impressive persona, they act as if they are incredibly important and deserve special treatment. They fantasise about being popular, rich, famous and powerful and will use other people to achieve these goals. They need to be constantly admired and cannot bear to be criticised. In fact, if they are criticised, they will often react with fury and acts of revenge. One reason why it’s so difficult to have a relationship with a narcissist is that they are unable to show any empathy towards others.

What causes such behaviour? It is thought that the lack of self-esteem that lurks beneath the arrogant behaviour is caused either by over-indulgence and children being told that they are so special and can do no wrong, or by parental neglect. To protect children from becoming narcissistic, parents need to give credit where credit’s due so that they develop a healthy sense of self, but don’t let them escape consequences.

And what if you are attempting to have a relationship with somebody who fits this description? Obviously it will be difficult. Don’t expect them to change. It’s important to try and understand why they act the way they do. You’ll need to be able to admire your partner and give them plenty of attention. You’ll have to expect little empathy and attention yourself. If you want to try to resolve an issue between you, try very hard not to criticise, but gently point out how you’re feeling and what you need. And if you attempt to end a relationship with a narcissist, prepare for an explosive and spiteful reaction.