Unattainable closure

Gray briefcase openedI just want closure is something I often hear. And by the use of the adverb “just,” there is the inference that closure should be easy to attain. Romantic comedies and sitcoms are partly responsible for the spread of this futile hunt. Unfortunately, closure can often be impossible to get. And waiting for it can be paralysing.

When a relationship ends, it can be devastating if that’s not what you wanted. It’s normal to be left feeling confused, rejected, and incredibly hurt. It’s normal to want to understand what went wrong. It’s normal to ask hundreds of questions and to beg for another chance. But what if you don’t get any answers or at least any answers that make sense? What if the other person moves on quickly, leaving you with no sense of closure? How long do you put your life on hold waiting for it all to make sense?

We know that grief comes in waves of varying intensity and frequency. When a strong wave of grief hits, the need for understanding increases. But holding on to this need keeps us stuck. How could he have done this to me? Why did she leave? How has he gotten away with this? When will karma come around? Thinking this way years down the track are all signs that you are searching for unattainable closure.

At some point, it’s important to accept the unacceptable. You will never know the whole truth. Once you accept the fact that you may never fully understand what went wrong, it will feel as close to closure as you can get.

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