It’s NAPLAN time again. That time of year when Australian school children are tested to see how they are performing relative to their peers. There are clear signs that this year, the pressure seems to be even greater than ever. A workbook for year 3 students preparing for NAPLAN has hit the best seller list. As an author of five non best selling books, that’s going to make me sit up and listen. For the first time in my memory, advertisers used the upcoming NAPLAN tests to promote fish oil supplements and stuffed toys. Some preschools are adopting programs to fast track toddlers’ education and packages containing educational videos and flashcards are being sold to parents of children as young as 3 months to facilitate early learning.

Why?  Where are these children rushing to? There doesn’t seem to be any evidence to support the notion that children who learn to read at a very early age end up in the best jobs. Nor is there clear support for the idea that children who do very well in tests such as NAPLAN blitz their final exams and fly through university into well-paying and fulfilling careers.  Are we fearful that our kids will not be able to put food on their tables when they are adults unless they enjoy amazing success at an early age? Are we worrying that they will not be able to live independently if their NAPLAN results in year 3 are not fabulous? Or are we measuring our parenting success on how well our children do at school?

What messages are we sending our kids if all the focus is on achievement? Why aren’t we trying to help them find their passion? What happened to giving our children a rich and nurturing childhood? Achievement does not guarantee true happiness. Happiness is linked to a real sense of meaning that can only come from the intimacy, compassion and altruism that occurs in human relationships. Let’s all get a grip and instead of teaching our children how to ace their NAPLAN tests, let’s teach them the truly important life lessons such as how to help those in need.

It’s Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Australia and once again the argument is raised – Are the models too thin? Members of the fashion industry are quoted as saying that many of the models are naturally thin or athletic. Some designers are reported to be saying that they are merely focusing on making their clothes look good. This year, there are rumours that the models are not being fed back stage and that the coffee and cigarette diet is still alive and well in the industry. The truth is, it doesn’t matter whether a model is naturally thin or starving herself to look that way. Whether they are being given smoothies or BBQ chicken back-stage is irrelevant. The point is that our young people are continuing to see images that promote the idea that to be beautiful, glamorous and successful, you need to be thin.

Yes, the argument has been going around and around for years. I can understand why many people just throw their hands up in the air and think that the modelling world is so far removed from reality, we shouldn’t worry so much about it. But just because most of us don’t relate to the images we see on the catwalks or in fashion magazines doesn’t prevent  damage being done.

When an adolescent girl is struggling with self-consciousness, she is extremely vulnerable. She may look at these models and know on the one hand that they are very thin, but also dream of having their confidence. It’s so easy for that teenager to experiment with her weight by eating less and exercising more – all under the guise of being healthy. Parents love seeing their children choosing to be healthy so at first, they encourage the behaviour. Her body starts to change. She loses some weight and gains some muscle tone. Her friends notice and compliment her and that feels good …. for a short while. She starts to equate losing weight with positive feedback and so she eats even less and exercises even more. By now, everyone is commenting – friends and family: You’re going too far. You’re looking skinny. Stop now. But in her mind, she knows that skinny is beautiful and she does not feel beautiful or skinny, so she can’t stop.

The road back from an eating disorder is a long one. It can take years. We can’t give up on trying the prevent a distorted body image from taking hold. We have to keep speaking out against the use of underweight models in the fashion industry and airbrushed photos in magazines. And we as parents, have to be so vigilant. We can’t be fooled into believing that our child is just trying to be healthy when he or she starts restricting their food intake and over-exercising. We can’t make the mistake of complaining about our own bodies and yo-yo dieting. We must try never to comment on our child’s body or our own. We have to try to be the best role models we can be.

Friday 15 March 2013 is the National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence. It’s an obvious opportunity to raise awareness of the bullying that continues to take place in schools and workplaces. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy for bullying. So presumably, if bullying is reported in a school, action will be taken. But the zero tolerance policies have been in place for some time and still the bullying continues. We need to do more than simply punishing the bullies. We need to make bullying uncool. And to do that – we need to enlist the help of the cool kids.

Most bullies get away with their behaviour because they have their supporters – other kids who are drawn to the bully’s strength or afraid of becoming a target themselves. If the bullies had no support, their bullying behaviour would decrease. And if the bullies and their supporters were seen to be uncool, there would be little or no incentive to prey on other kids.

It’s fairly easy to identify the cool group in each year. They’re the ones who are generally popular and confident. Provided they are not bullies themselves (which can certainly be the case), these kids can put their popularity to good use. If a popular child or adolescent tells a bully that they’re being uncool, it will have a much greater effect than if a less popular kid speaks up. If a cool kid stands up for the victim, it will be noticed more than if a less confident child or adolescent does the right thing. Obviously, if everyone says no to bullying, the bully’s power will be greatly diminished.

So if your child is in the cool group, use this National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence to encourage them to make bullying uncool.