Category Archives: Relationships

We all seem fixated on compromises these days, as if it’s essential that we find some magic middle point to achieve a resolution that is fair. But why does the resolution always have to be fair? Why can’t we just … Continue reading →

After a big loss, football coaches torture their players by making them watch a replay of the match in slow motion, pointing out all the mistakes and making suggestions on how to play better. A couples counsellor is not unlike … Continue reading →

Many people live by the old saying: Never let the sun go down on an argument. They want to resolve every issue as it arises. They are often good at apologising and willing to accept some responsibility for what has … Continue reading →

I had a lovely client in this week who couldn’t understand why he was having trouble communicating with his wife. Her reactions baffled him. He said it wasn’t hormonal. Admirably, he was taking responsibility for what was happening. Clearly, he … Continue reading →

When a client comes into my office, it is essential that I attune to their emotional state. If they are depressed, I speak softly, I allow space for pauses and silence, and I gently smile while listening intently. If another … Continue reading →

Contestants on TV quiz shows are always told that only their first answers can be taken. There are no second chances, no ability to change their mind once they have given the question a bit more thought. But real life … Continue reading →

You’d think that one of the kindest things we can do for our partners, friends, and children would be to give them some reassurance. Of course I love you; It will be all right; No, you didn’t upset me. But … Continue reading →

Sally (not her real name) works part-time and is able to pick her three children up from school and preschool each day. Some days, she still has to attend to some emails or make a few calls after they all … Continue reading →

No one should attempt to change another person. We need to tolerate our partner’s and our children’s faults – just as they need to tolerate our faults. But bad habits can be changed over time and we can help shape … Continue reading →

Don’t use that tone with me! Watch your tone young lady! It was the tone of your voice that upset me. I am always hearing people commenting on the tone of what was said to them, as if there is … Continue reading →