In an ideal world, couples would agree on everything. In Utopia, compatibility and commitment would mean that decisions about how many children to have, where to live, or what to spend money on would be so simple because your thinking would be completely aligned with one another. But that’s totally unrealistic because a healthy relationship is made up of two individuals with their own opinions. So how do these big decisions get made? The aim might be to make joint decisions, but a joint decision doesn’t necessarily mean that both parties fully agree.
Relationships are full of compromises, but compromising doesn’t mean you have to meet half way. Often a compromise is based on the fact that one person feels more strongly about an issue than the other, and so that person makes the decision. There are many times when our love and commitment to our partner makes us want to grant them their wish or support their dream, even when the decision might impact negatively on us.
Giving up the idea of always having to think the same way in order to make a decision can be liberating. One person can lead the decision and the other person can support it. And when you support your partner’s decision and commit to never throwing it back in their face down the track, it starts to feel like a joint decision.